Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Angel, a few days ago posted a blog hop about pet peeves. I am so in on this one!

People who squeeze the toothpaste wrong.  I refuse to share a tube of toothpaste with my husband for this very reason.  The proper way is neatly from the bottom, flattening the tube as you go.  S just squishes it willy-nilly, often from the middle, never flattening, and not at all neatly.  So I have my own toothpaste.

Seams on socks.  Socks that don't stay up.  People who make seamy, slouchy socks. 

The formatting in this stupid blogger window.  It's not cooperating at all.

People who spell the word lose as loose.  Especially on weight loss forums.

Movie made from books where they completely screw it up.  I understand they're going to have to make some changes.  But at least try to stick to the original plot a little bit!

Clapping, snapping, any sharp loud sound.  A group of people clapping isn't so bad, it dulls the sharpness.  But a single person?  Makes me want to bite them.

People who get offended that I'm not offended by something that offends them.  I'm sorry that I don't share your causes/values/politics/whatever.  But it's not my problem.  Get over it.

Snow.  I'm tired of it.  And I don't even live in the Northeast.  And being cold.  I'm tired of that too.

Internet drama.  I didn't like high school when I was there.  I don't want to relive it 20 years later.  I wish there was a way everyone could just act like adults and get over it and be nice to each other.

Headaches caused by eating sugar.  I should know better by now.  And by extension the Girl Scouts, and their evil Thin Mint cookies, without which I wouldn't have this headache right now.

Okay! I actually feel better now!  Wow, maybe everyone should try this - getting it off your chest is good for you!  Head on over to Angel's to see what annoys everyone else and to sign up yourself!

Friday, February 12, 2010

A while back I followed a link on another blog to a site where you sign up to receive free books, provided you post a review of them.  I'm all about the free books, so I decided to give it a try. 

The book I got is an Amish romance called Plain Pursuit.  I've always been fascinated by the Amish, and this book is quite good at making you feel like you're getting a peek into the Plain world.  Not as good as Beverly Lewis' books, but still very interesting.  The author, Beth Wiseman, uses a good bit of the Pennsylvania Dutch sprinkled throughout the novel to make it feel more like you're getting to see something a bit exotic.

The premise of the story is a newspaper journalist, Carley Marek, after a personal tragedy, goes to visit a friend who has converted to the Amish lifestyle.  While there they discover the 13 year old son, David, of her friends husband is seriously ill.  Carley meets a man she falls in love with, Noah, who happens to be the shunned brother of David's father.  Typical romance novel plot, with a medical and Amish twist.

There were a few times I had to suspend disbelief while reading - the medical scenes were a little flimsy if you'd ever read actual medical thrillers, or had any real medical knowledge.  But overall it was a very enjoyable read.  At the very end of the book are recipes for some of the dishes mentioned in the book, bread, cookies, meatloaf and corn casserole.  I'm actually looking forward to trying a couple of those. 

So thanks to BookSneeze for the book!  (even if I think the name of the site leaves something to be desired.  And a desire to hand someone a tissue)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Thank you all for your support!  It means a lot - more than you know.

And hey!  Stuff - it happened while I was gone.  And I actually have pictures of some of it.  Wanna see?

The biggest thing that happened was Joshua's 4th birthday!  My baby is FOUR!  This should not be possible.  He is so proud of it though.  I swear, (and I do) that it's the cutest thing I've ever seen.  Anytime you tell him he can't do something he'll look up at you with the most serious expression and say "but I'm FOOOUUUR!"  Like this is the magic age at which he's capable of everything.  And as far as he's concerned he is.  Because at four - he gets to go to school.

Which was pretty much the first thing he asked me on his birthday.  We'd told him before, when he was upset about not getting to go to school with Christopher and Lexie, that he would be going to Pre-K when he was four.  Which is true.  Never thought to explain the whole school year concept to him though.... so the morning of January 19th, I found myself with one very ticked off newly-turned four year old, who did not understand why he had to stay home with boring old mommy still, instead of going off the building of mystery and endless fun known as school.  Telling him he has to wait until August, when the new school year starts means nothing to him.  He kept saying "but I'm four now.  I'm not sick, I don't have to stay home with you.  I can go to school."  Poor kid.  Finally I was able to distract him with promises of cake and ice cream, but I still get interrogated a couple times a week as to exactly when he's going to get to go to school.  At this point, I can't wait for August!

So - Joshy at four - still sleeps with us every night.  (thank you Daddy.  Pushover :))  Is obsessed with Bakugan, Ben10, Power Rangers, anything superhero.  Refuses to eat a sandwich of any sort - but loves meat, cheese and bread.  On the same plate even.  But don't stack them.  Only eats frozen waffles for breakfast.  And I do mean frozen - straight out of the freezer.  If we're out, he will grudgingly accept a myriad of other options, including cereal, french toast, or pancakes.  Loves bacon.  Woo is super cuddly and gives fantastic hugs.  He's the happiest of all my kids - rarely crying or throwing tantrums, usually content to play with toys, fighting wars and beating the bad guys.  Has a girlfriend "poee" (Chloe) who he adores and has long conversations with on the phone.  (She is also 4, and knows how to dial our number.  She calls him all the time.  It's beyond adorable)  He will willingly tell you that Poee is his goofwend and that he wuvs her :)  I cannot imagine my life without this kid!

How about some pictures?

cuddling with Bubby birthday morning.



 Chloe - not eating cake.  Her only fault is that she won't eat chocolate :)

Okay - More stuff happened, and I have more pictures, but they'll have to wait for next time.   

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Well, that sucked. 

I went from that antsy, trapped, gotta-run-gotta-get-away feeling to the worst depression I think I have ever gone through.  And when I crashed, I crashed hard and fast.  On a Friday I was doing the 30 Day Shred, laughing and joking and having fun.  Still feeling frantic, yes, but happy.  Saturday I was down.  Seriously down.  Sunday I told S I wasn't sure my anti-depressants were working right, congratulating myself on catching it quickly and telling him at the beginning this time, unlike the last time when I waited until I was damn near suicidal before saying anything.  We agreed I'd call my doctor the next day to discuss my medication.

A quick word about that - I'd been on Effexor, and shortly before Christmas we'd increased my dose - doubling it.  When my doctor wrote the new script he wrote it for the generic version.  I'd been on the name brand.  I used up the pills I had on hand, taking 2 a day, which lasted me through Christmas.  I was great - the new dose was perfect, I had no issues.  When I filled the new prescription, the pharmacist called me to confirm that I was okay moving to the generic.  She told me that some people didn't adapt well switching forms of the medication.  Having done it before on a different AD, and thinking of the significant amount of money the generic would save me, I told her to go ahead.

So, on that weekend when I felt my meds weren't doing what they were supposed to, I figured that was the reason.  I thought I would just call my PCP, get him to call a new prescription for the non-generic meds in, and everything would be all peachy again.  But Monday morning I woke up so far down in the pit that I couldn't see out anymore.  And it only got worse from there.  I did manage to call my doctor that day, and start the brand name Effexor the next day.  I made S go to the appointment with me because I wasn't sure I could handle it alone.  I also wasn't sure I was going to make it out of the office unhospitalized.  I couldn't answer that one magic question - the "are you safe to yourself?" in a satisfactory way.  I wasn't actively suicidal, but I was close.  So very close.

The depression eased up a little after a few days on the med.  Not much, but enough that I wasn't wishing not to wake up anymore.  But then I started dealing with a new issue.  Anxiety.  I was so tense and nervous.  I couldn't sit still, I couldn't stop wringing my hands and biting my lips.  I developed new fears.  Talking to people, interacting at all became hard.  I stopped answering the phone.  Even for family - my mother, my sisters, my best friend from 2nd grade... I couldn't talk to any of them.  And I couldn't leave the house.  Which isn't the best situation for a mom - one day Christopher missed school all together because I just could NOT leave the house to take him to school.  We ran out of the kids favorite foods because I couldn't go to the grocery store.  Every time one of the kids walked out the door I had to calm myself down.  I felt like I couldn't breathe if I had to answer the door.

Well - you get the picture.  So, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist.  Very nervously.  I don't like psychiatrists.  Not after being committed against my will as a teen.  Not after being abused while I was there.  But my PCP felt over his head with all this and S and I agreed that someone more familiar with psychotropic medications would probably be better at figuring out what I needed to be on.  The appointment went very well.  I didn't even see the psychiatrist,  I saw her PA, who listened to a brief run down and prescribed Wellbutrin to be added to the Effexor.  She said we may discuss weaning off the Effexor in a month when I go back , if the Wellbutrin is working for me, btu I'm not sure I want to mess with anything - if it's working why risk breaking it?

It's been about a week now - which I am sure isn't enough time for the Wellbutrin to have done much, but has been more time for the good Effexor to have more of an effect, and the past day and a half have been amazing.  I woke up yesterday feeling sort of neutral - not depressed, but not me yet either.  By bedtime I was smiling and laughing.  Today?  Today I am me.  Dancing in the kitchen with my husband.  Tickling my son.  Playing Monopoly with my daughter.  (and getting my butt royally kicked too!)  And coming back, finally, to write on my blog.  I'd say I missed it, but I didn't.  Because I was too busy trying to remember why I was bothering to keep breathing to think about writing here.  But I'm sure glad to be back.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Okay, so I don't know if I even have any readers left at all, let alone any lurking readers, but what the heck!  Today is delurking day, the day you peek out of the shadows and say hi!  I'm doing it, you should too!  So leave a comment, tell me a little bit about you.  What's your favorite trashy television?  Oreos or ice cream?  Who's blog should I be reading that I'm not?  Is Jillian Michaels really that evil?  I want to hear from you, whatever you have to say!

Monday, January 11, 2010

I'm stuck, restless, antsy.  I'm tired of being in my head.  I want to be someone else, do something else... something.  I don't know.

Everything is fine.  I'm happy, the kids are healthy and good.  The boys have a new found closeness that is gorgeous to see.  Lexie got her midterm grades and they are miles better than last quarter.  Christopher is making progress.  Joshua will be four (4!!) in a week.  S is well - job stress kept to a minimum.  I've been playing Super Mario Brothers on the Wii, and even though I can't get past the stupid castle I'm working on yet, I know I will.  I have a husband who loves me like crazy, fantastic children I adore, a house I love, more than enough food in our cabinets, money enough to pay our bills, my health and the health of my family. 

So what the hell is wrong with me?  Why do I feel like I'm wearing the wrong skin?  I want to do something crazy and outrageous, something that will irrevocably change everything.  But there's nothing in my life that needs changing.  Everything is good the way it is.  I know this.  But knowing and feeling aren't always in sync. 

I'm sure it will all work itself out.  Without me doing anything I'm sure I'd end up regretting eventually.  But I wish it'd hurry up, I'm tired of feeling like this.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

All about the hair

And there goes Holidailies.... I just ran out of steam, and any desire whatsoever to update.  Oh well, I still did fairly well.  I made well past the minimum 20 required posts, so it counts as a success.

My visit with Jes was good.  She went home on Sunday, and is right now flying her way to Washington for a 2 week visit with her family there, including our youngest sister.  She talked me into letting her straighten my hair while she was here - something I'd never done before.  It was weird - I've never seen my hair actually straight before.  It didn't look bad though, just different.  See?

Compare that to this - my hair fresh from the bath one night a couple months ago:


Just a slight difference :)

Speaking of hair, I'm at a loss what to do about Joshua's.  He wants long hair.  I'm fine with that, but in the meantime, what do I do?  He's growing out a buzz cut.  He has very thick hair.  I've been trimming it around the back and around his ears, waiting for the top to get long, but this is just not a great look.  He's got so much hair, it's starting to make his head look weird.  Here's a couple of pictures, so you can maybe get the idea?

Ignore the dirty face please.  You can see the shorter layers on top here.

In this outtake from our Christmas Eve picture you can see how thick his hair is, and how it's making his head look odd.  Joshua is the one who wants long hair, and while I have no problem with it, I just don't know how to get there from here without a year of funny looking hair!  And considering that his birthday is in 2 weeks, I'd like something decent looking for his 4 year pictures, that won't completely mean starting over.  I think what I'm aiming for is something like these boys.   (BTW - that's a good blog.  She's got 7 kids, and still manages to stay sane!)

Anyway, any and all opinions welcome.  On Woo's or my hair :)  And I'm officially out of time for this entry, I've got to go get my big kids from school!


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